My life is transformed. When I met Jesus I turned from an angry, hopeless, love seeking girl to a chosen, hopeful, loved daughter. It wasn’t over night. Trust me when I say that. And still countless times I forget who God has called me to be. Countless times I get angry at myself because I know my efforts aren’t enough. I see the people I love most in the entire world doing things that break them more, having things done to them that aren’t ok and all I hear screaming in the back of my head is that could have been you. Only God can change lives and in our self centred world I forget that. Too much.
Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you.
I forget that God see’s all the onion layers that I have built and the ones that are built by him – the hard outer skin that is really just pathetic in the hands of the father, just like an onion in the hands of a man and all the ones inside that build up – so malleable on their own but strong when together. He is a God who peels off each layer whispering love and kindness. Cleansing and renewing – trust me he is. And in my moments of complete brokeness I remember who is faithful even when the world fades into such greys. Even if he was unseen, I could see his works, lifting me out of the pit – not only lifting me out but dusting me off and lifting me up. The one who knew in my heart how truly angry I was yet who stole my heart with every glimmer of grace and touch of joy. For it was in these moments when I am completely done that I remember who is doing the doing after all and that we are simply the vessel that carries the gifts. God hears your prayers. He sheds your tears. Trust him. He will pull through. He will do more than you could ever imagine.