This is something I have been working on for quite a while. In less than two weeks it marks the passing of a spiritual giant in my life. These are just a few thoughts on freedom from grief and mourning. I hope you can hear and feel my heart in every word and even more the heart of God.
I always thought closure whatever that word means would bring me freedom. That closing that chapter of my life and starting an entire new book would bring freedom for me. I stumbled across the idea that maybe I didn’t want closure even if it was possible. Why would I want to drive a knife into a beautiful story made just for me? Yeah it might be easier. Easier to say no to the memories, to let hem fade one by one. But with the memories the promises would fade to. And that’s just not an option.
Grief demands to be felt. Its a very raw, real and unknown emotion. You will never know how it will hit you untill your in that situation. Whether minutes, months or years later. Running from grief is like running full stop – at the start it’s hard. It would be easier to stay in bed. But the more you run the easier it gets to run. The farther you go before it hurts. People told me that I would never not miss her. I thought they were lying. I thought I would wake up one day and simply not remember. That life would just go on and she wouldn’t be in it. I thought forgetting was freedom.
But freedom for me in my mourning and grief and for you too- is knowing that I am loved by the all mighty comforter. That I am known and loved more deeply than I ever could have been. Freedom for me is learning to talk about her, it was learning to let things settle and that time would heal many a broken heart. It was me letting my self realise that I am only human. And God is God. It is remembering the promises through the memories. And knowing that Gods character remains steadfast and true no matter the season.
People and death are not the only thing we mourn. We grieve for situations that have not turned out the way we hoped, the thing we wanted with all our heart. But know today when you you feel the grief is simply too much to bear he whispers dear child whom I have always loved know, I know your name, know I collect your tears, know each one breaks my heart. Know I have good plans for you. My promises are true, hold fast to my truths. Come home, be near even when you feel far away. For in the darkest days know this to be true you will never meet a father who loves quite like me.