Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
-Daniel 3 v 16
If there was a gold medal for the worlds biggest stresser about the question, what is my calling? I’d win. I don’t like that about myself because it highlights my nature to take my eyes of Jesus’ and to focus on the waves around me. Before we start there’s something I want you to hold dear – peace is dictated by who reigns in you, not what is going on around you. Recently I’ve had to choose peace. I bet you, you have had to too. My worlds been a little cray cray to be honest and its been no fun.
I printed 6 copies of the verse above. I put it as my screensaver on my phone, I put it in my room, I locked it in my mind and placed it in every binder so that I could not go a day without being reminded of God’s great deliverance and his faithfulness.
You see for the last couple years I kept the dream of being a doctor in my heart. I held it dear, the only person I ever told before last year was my grandma in 2013 – it was a special secret that only she knew about. However through circumstances of health, happiness and deeper desires – I know this isn’t the right dream for me to pursue.
There will be a day when I will turn and praise God for the circumstances that led me not to chose medicine. Not because it is a bad career or something that isn’t worthwhile for me to do with my life. But because it isn’t my best yes. Medicine funny enough is my safe choice. It’s comfortable. Yes its longer hours that I could ever imagine and more studying than any bookworm would love – but I know if I chose medicine it would be a safe existence.
For the last month or so I have made some hard decisions – I have chosen things that don’t make sense, I’ve disappointed and confused others and myself. I have felt loss and metaphorically like I’m being burnt in the fire. However with burning comes purification and with every trial comes a greater trust in the very one who knows the greatest desires of my heart of which I don’t even know, who knows my skills and abilities greater than any doctor, teacher or friend.
So when it comes to begging God the question what’s my calling? Know that he calls you to one step at a time – he calls you to trust in the darkness. To be obedient even in the fire. Not because he doesn’t love you enough to tell you – but because the dreams he has for you are so incredible they would scare you into staying in bed! When you feel lost and confused go back to when you were aligned with the promises of scripture and prophets over your life. Let his peace come – and know that in the hours of tears, petition and prayer that he hears ever whisper, he catches every tear and holds your heart so dear.
I committed through this season and every season to worship the only one who deserves my praise. I don’t know what you are going through this week. I don’t know if Jesus feels distant or close. Whether you feel like you have got it together or not, BUT I do know that God is not changing. I know he has the power to deliver and whether you are feeling full of peace or not, whether you are feeling burnt and bruised or sunny side up – I know that God will deliver you and that his almighty peace will sustain you.
I know the hairs on your head. Not in some crazy I had to count them way – but in an all powerful, all knowing God kind of way. I din’t need to count them because I just knew. I know the troubles you face and I know the burdens you carry. I know sometimes you feel like the world is falling in around you and that if the earth spins one more time that you might just fall of. Hold tight. Know I have your rescue mission planned. Know my heart intimately enough to know no matter what the world tells you that I haven’t left you, that I haven’t forsaken you, that I do offer you my peace. That I give you all of me for all of you because we are a team – I will carry you, I will sustain you, I will hold the earth steady even when it feels upside down. For I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end and in me you will find peace. I don’t promise you won’t face hardships – what sort of fulfilled life consists of roses and rainbows. But the clouds will go and the sun will shine and you will realise that being empty handed and open hearted is the only way to be in this life. For I am able to sustain you, I am yours and you are mine and that is the way it has always been intended, forever and always. Know true freedom comes in letting me be God and in you being my child. The one who loves your lost heart and searching soul.
All my love x